Letter to My Family

You’ve heard the saying “Stick and Stones can break my bones but Words can Never harm me”

That’s a BIG FAT LIE!

Think back to a time when someone called you a not so nice name or called you stupid. It hurt didn’t it. It did not make you feel good. They can never take back what they said; you heard it and it went right to your heart, your sub-conscious mind. Words have the power to bring Life or death. Remember that the next time you get angry and choose your words wisely!

I’ll tell you how to take the sting out of unkind words spoken to you.

Here’s a secret for you to ponder:

Nothing in life has any meaning unless YOU give it meaning!

When I was younger, my feelings got hurt very easily. It was probably because I never felt good about myself. There were plenty of times when I didn’t even like myself. I was never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough…I hope none of you feel that way but if you can relate, I’ve got the antedote. All someone had to do was look at me wrong and I took it to mean they hated me, even when they were not looking at me at all. If a teacher corrected me in school, I took it as I was stupid. No boy would ever like me because I was too short and fat. Most of my interactions with other people I perceived as negative because I saw myself as a negative. I gave it the wrong meaning. I didn’t know it at the time but since I believed the lie in my heart, I acted accordingly. This attracted more of the same negative behavior on my part and the natural response from others was they didn’t want to hang out with me. (I can’t blame them. Who wants to hang out with such a moody, unhappy, boring person?)

I had to learn to see myself differently. I had to choose to love myself, imperfections and all. If I couldn’t like me, how could anyone else? This was one of the hardest things for me to do. The help I needed came from my creator, the Creator of the Universe. If He could love me just the way I am, who am I not to. I had to start consciously listing my good qualities, which was hard at first as I was concentrating on the negative for so long. I had to only look at myself positively, correcting myself each time I started thinking negatively….like a million times a day!

Here’s another secret: This is how I corrected myself.

You can look back on something bad that happened to you that made you feel uncomfortable or even very painful and deliberately change the way you “saw” it so it doesn’t hurt or bother you any more.

I learned this only a short time ago and now I do this as often and as soon as I need to. This is a secret to how I stay happy no matter what! I tell you these things now so that when someone treats you in a way you don’t like, which will happen, you can choose how you feel about the situation and the person by giving it a meaning that is positive.

When I was growing up, I would practice my electric guitar and experiment with different effects and sounds. I lived in a small house so take that into consideration. Quite frequently, my Mom would holler to me to “Turn that &@% %@^^ thing down!” The meaning I put to that regular statement was I sounded awful, I would never get a good sounding tone, no one would ever want to hear me. I did not have the information I’m telling you now and it affected me deeply until I obtained the key to get released from it’s clutches on my heart. With that key, I thought back in my mind to those situations, remembered the feelings and thoughts I had at that moment and looked at those events from a different perspective. Here are the questions I asked myself (as is the formula for addressing all of your hurts).

• Was what I thought, the meaning I gave it at the time TRUE?
• What was the real intent behind the words?
• Can I change the words to what they really meant?

Of course. All she was telling me was she was annoyed because she couldn’t hear what was on TV. She did not mean she didn’t want me to practice, or that I sounded terrible. (I’m sure some of the sounds did sound awful but that was not her point.) I looked at that situation, heard her real meaning she was trying to convey, thought about it a minute, played it back a few times in my mind, observed my feelings after asking those questions and guess what. The thoughts no longer were negative. It didn’t hurt me any more.

At first, this was difficult for me. I had to really work at it but the more I did it, the easier it got. My ego didn’t like it at all! That part of me wanted to be angry but since I call the shots, not my ego, I win.

It is important for you to guard your heart (feelings) and mind (thoughts) with all diligence. If you don’t keep a positive attitude, you are less likely to create or get what you want. A positive attitude actually attracts what you want to you…just as a negative attitude attracts what you don’t want. If you change your thoughts, you automatically change your words because out of the heart, the mouth speaks. Only you can control your thoughts and words. Only you are responsible for both. Remember that words are very powerful. They can deliver either Life or death.

I ran across this fabulous interview which is a promotion for one of his movies that really gives some TRUE nuggets on how success is manifested.  Enjoy.

“A Piece of Blarney Stone”

The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition? It’s not like I’m saying that Santa Claus doesn’t exist (OOPS!).

There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go though watching talk shows; radio programs; clubs dedicated to public speaking; ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communication is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.

1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters’ meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.

2. Listening.
It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.  I find that it is better to learn listening skills so that when you do respond, you know how to answer what is actually being asked.  Most of us are so concerned with sharing our own ideas, we miss out on how to help others effectively.

3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.

4. Eye Contact
There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.

5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.

6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.

7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.

8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.  I used to be in radio and did you know that people know if you’re smiling or not even when they don’t see you?  It’s true!

9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.

10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.

And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.

Oh, One more thing.  I guess this makes it 11 Ways…When you do speak publically, something I keep in mind is not the size of the crowd…I’m speaking to only One person.  There’s a couple of reasons for this:  The first one is the fear factor.  Some of us are terrified to get up and speak to a large gathering.  Just look at it as speaking to a friend and some of the fear goes away.  The other reason is that those listening feel a more intimate connection with you and relate to what you’re saying much more than just listening to a lecture.  (I used this technique both publically and on the radio.)