I’ve got confidence, My God is gonna see me through
No matter what the case may be, I know He’s gonna fix it for me.
Andre Crouch
This is a song I used to sing a lot! It’s amazing to see how much I’ve grown as a person over the years. This song was important to me because at that time, I had no self confidence. You see, when I was a child, nearly all decisions were made for me by my parents, so I never did learn HOW to make up my own mind. It was so bad that my teachers in school told my parents that I would never be a leader; I would always be a follower.
I had some time ago, decide that I did not want to just be a follower because it meant that I would never get to do what I want. I would always do what other people wanted. In researching myself to understand why I was that way, I discovered I really had no confidence. “What if’s” shouted at me from all sides: What if I made the wrong decision, what if I fail, or worse, what if I hurt someone’s feelings? When I made that decision to no longer be just a follower, the hard part to begin with was to figure out what I want…not what someone else wanted.
You see, my comfort zone was to let others (parents, close friends, partners) make up my mind. I loved getting behind their ideas and goals to help them get what they wanted. To be honest, I still do. I put my life LAST in nearly all cases to support others. Do you know what it got me? Used and sometimes abused. Many people I chose to associate with were the best takers ever, but when it came to giving in return, this usually was a different story. When I decided, now is time for others to help me get what I want, you can guess what happened.
In retrospect, I set myself up for this so I have no one else to blame but myself. I might as well have written the word “SUCKER” across my forehead. My body language, my speech, everything about me exuded the fact that I had no confidence, I was a weak personality, weak willed person. Of course, those with stronger ones would pick up on those vibes and assert themselves. Because of that “spineless” nature of mine, I had no self respect…so the rest of the spiral downward continued. The end result was fear and loss. Ouch! All I wanted was to be accepted and loved.
I HAD TO DECIDE to change myself, no matter who rejected me (and I lost someone very dear to me). But in order to be true to myself, to live my own life, I had to change no matter what the consequences. I counted the cost and made up my mind to be willing to pay the price to be able to like myself, which was something I didn’t do, like myself. If someone else didn’t like me for who I was, I had to let go. They were never a good friend to begin with.
Yes, it was difficult and painful at first but at least now I can really say I have self respect, self confidence and I even like myself because I finally stood up for myself. Since then I have attracted people of a different character than before. Many are now givers as well as takers, which makes for a more balanced relationship.
As far as the opening song went, I’ve got confidence, God is gonna see me through. Most of that time, I trusted Him to change me and stick to my guns. He did NOT fail me.
Here’s another inspiring story on confidence by Chris Cade from Inscribe Your Life. It’s a cool video:
http://www.inscribeyourlife.com/news/confidence
Blessings and Prosperity,
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